I’ve been ignoring my first love – writing for quite a while now. What seemed at first like a short hiatus has slowly become almost an year. I’ve always been a private person and I am never comfortable with revealing my thoughts or feelings on my blog. I am opinionated and I love discussing my perspective on matters of interest but when it comes to personal matters I am a closed book. Whatever happened to all the stories and poems that I used to write! But something in my heart says that today is the day to write, to open up and reveal, if not everything then maybe a tad bit.
I’ve stuck to writing silly posts, because its so much easier than revealing what you are truly feeling. Putting out all your thoughts on the blog, for the entire world to see, makes me extremely uncomfortable. I am asked quite often, as to how I feel about posting my photos on the blog for everyone to see. A lot of people who are uncomfortable with posting pictures claim that its because they are ‘private’ people. But quite frankly its the opposite for me. My face would be the first thing even a random stranger on the road would see. There is nothing private about it. I think it has more to do with how confident you feel in your own skin, and how you decide you don’t give a damm what people think about your looks or your dressing sense as long as you feel you are beautiful. Thoughts and feelings – that’s an altogether different matter. And I choose to give access to those to only a privileged few.
I’ve stopped reading a lot of the blogs that I was following an year before. I just don’t seem to find them as interesting as before. When I do browse through them, I can’t seem to remember what it was about the blog that induced me to follow it in the first place. I blame my own ever increasing impatience for the change in attitude and not the bloggers. But in a way it feels like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders – of reading and commenting on every single blog. It was almost like a compulsion, an involuntary force, making me read every single one of them even though I din’t want to.
A lot of them All of them, I now realize were reading and commenting on my blog thanks to the ‘I scratch your back and you scratch mine’ policy.
The downside has been that I’ve lost 50% (or maybe more) of my readership and comments, but like I said before its liberating to not think about it. I’ve realized it really doesn’t matter to me or affect the way I want to blog. I am sticking to writing more and more for myself – after all the blog is named ‘The Girl At First Avenue’ for a reason. It’s about the girl and all aspects of the girl.
Off late I’ve realized that you are your only true friend. People complicate matters in the most absurd ways and you just need to find the courage in your heart to say NO and move on and keep your life simple, the way you want it to be. Everybody has a mask on, but now-a-days they have multiple masks and frankly its not as appealing as peeling of different layers of a person with true character and personality. And for obvious reasons, I very much prefer the company of the latter in my life than the former. Difficult times test you and the people around you. True colors are revealed. True friendship is found. Lifelong bonds are made.
I’ve rambled a bit in this post. But this was more for me than for you guys. If you read this and get it well and good. If not, I guess I wasted 10min of your time 😛
This is only to remind myself that today, like every other day, I am in control of my life.
It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.
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